She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
