i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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