he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
