Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
