Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
