omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
