she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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