yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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