I look better un-naked...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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