its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
