apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
