you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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