My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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