just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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