Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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