just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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