The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
