Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
