you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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