Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
