I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
