I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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