Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
