Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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