I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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