Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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