you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
