I'm going to rape someone's good day.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
