I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
