you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
