omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
