Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
