she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
