i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
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While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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