We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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