Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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