wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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