i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
