cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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