My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
