is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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