If that was your dad, he is hot
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
