according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
