after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
