Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
