i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
you never un-have a 4some
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
