sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
