I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
