dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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