I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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