I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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