Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
