My nipple is on Facebook.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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