Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
