I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
