You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
