there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize