I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
