i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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